The train is leaving

By Prof. A. Subbarao

Sekhar alighted from the taxi at 10:00 p.m. and knocked on the door.
“Who is that?” questioned Anasuya and opened the door slightly. The weak rays from the street lamp fell on her. The 40 watts bulb inside the house is also glowing without any significant intensity. Her hair is very thin and as she woke up suddenly, her composure was haphazard. The person in front with full suit and a costly brief case surprised her. "Whom do you want?”, she asked hesitatingly.
“Mummy, I am Sekhar. Did you not recognize me?”, asked Sekhar.
“Is that you Sekhar? I could not recognize you in that suit. My eyesight is not as good as it used to be. I cannot see clearly in poor light. By the way what happened to your voice? It sounded unfamiliar.”
“Nothing, I have a mild cold. That is all. Has daddy already gone to bed?”
“Come inside”, and Anasuya gave way to Sekhar.
“These days he goes to bed rather very early”, replied Anasuya and took out her glasses and after putting them on peered towards Sekhar and said, "Is everybody O.K? There is lot of change in you since I saw you last”. Sekhar touched his tummy and smiled mildly.
“How did you come? Did you eat anything in the evening? Shall I prepare a small meal for you?”
“ I am not really hungry, but if there is buttermilk, please bring me a glass of it”
“ Change your dress, I will be back soon”, and Anasuya went into the kitchen. Sekhar freshened up, and started browsing through the newspaper on the table. Anasuya returned with a dinner plate containing two chappatis, pickle and yogurt.
“I told you not to worry. Why did you take this much trouble late in the night unnecessarily?” The samaras served in the flight have long back melted in the stomach. Sekhar liked pickles very much. He took the plate from Anasuya and started and while eating the food hurriedly, choked. Anasuya came near him, patted mildly on his head and handed over a glass of water. The choking caused his eyes to water and he stared at his mother through the water film and quivered at the sight of the fragile woman. Anasuya reminded him of a dehydrated autumn leave.
“ Mummy, you look very weak” is all he could say.
“ Let us not talk about me. How are Katyayani and Rambabu? It is long time since I saw them. How come you came all of a sudden?", Anasuya shot several questions at a time.
“The flight from Bombay to Bangalore got diverted to Chennai due to bad weather”, replied Sekhar.
“Oh! When are you scheduled to go to Bangalore?”
“I have to be in the airport at 7.00 a.m. tomorrow.” Anasuya wanted to suggest to Sekhar that he should stay for one day before going to Bangalore. But she also realized that Sekhar is on Official business and it is not possible to alter the schedule easily. She kept mum. The very fact that he is visiting his parents after a gap of two years and that too only for eight hours made Sekhar uncomfortable .He avoided mother’s eyes, completed the meal and laid down the plate.
“It is almost 11.00 now. Since you have to get up early try to get some sleep”, said Anasuya and collected the plate.
“ Mummy, if I do not wake up early, please wake me up. The meeting in Bangalore is a very important one”, requested Sekhar.
“I arranged your bed in that room. We are experiencing severe mosquito problems. I switched on the repellent but I wonder whether you will be able to sleep comfortably or not”, murmured Anasuya with worry. Sekhar does not sleep well in a new place and even though the bed was very comfortable sleep eluded him. The very fact that Anasuya gave away her bed to him and opted to sleep on the floor made him feel guilty. He knew how particular his mother has always been.
Earlier traveling was fun and it did not bother him but of late it is causing irritation. It was two years back he came to visit his parents and in these two years his hair has thinned and reading glasses have become necessary. He just now turned 51, a turn towards old age perhaps. If he is 51, daddy would be 74.During his last brief visit he observed that his dad was looking into vacuum frequently and his demeanor exhibited very little enthusiasm in anything. He lost most of his teeth and “ I do not know how he is now”, wondered Sekhar. Sekhar’s mind dwelled into the past and stopped on that day!
“ Daddy, I got a job in Bombay. Higher salary and chances of promotion to the next level are almost assured”, he said munching the mango pickle filled yogurt rice. Wife Katyayani was paying full attention and waited for daddy’s response.
“I have 4 more years before I retire .I will get a decent pension. If we pool up your salary and my pension we can live very comfortably. Your son is still very young. After I retire, your mother and myself will play with him and we will spend our autumn years in your company. I agree fully that the Bombay job is better in all respects. But we have only one offspring and if you go away to Bombay you will be far away to us. We will miss you”, his father Parandham said at that time.
He consulted Katyayani and after two days he told his daddy, ”Daddy, you have still 4 years of service left. If I go to Bombay now, in these 4 years I will grow so much, coming back to Madras will be very easy. This change upwards will do good to everybody. If by chance I am not able to come to Madras, you will come to Bombay after your retirement. Keep watching daddy, how your Sekhar will grow,” he said with great enthusiasm and excitement. His father did not say anything and kept mum. He assumed daddy’s silence as a stamp of approval and came away to Bombay. But he knew that deep inside his dad did not share the same enthusiasm. His desire to climb the success ladder made other aspects look pale in comparison. However he did not keep up his promise he made to his dad. By switching jobs dexterously at regular intervals he became a Vice President to a big company a year back. In the rat race, he did not have time for anything else and if there was any time left, all that he did was to plan his son Rambabu’s future. By the grace of God, Rambabu is now working as an engineer in a good company in Bombay. In the eyes of the world his is an example of success story. But there is some void in my life thought Sekhar.
Slowly, he sank into a slumber.

* * * * * * * *
Sekhar did not sleep well and the air conditioner in Madras airport was not working. As soon as Sekhar sat in the business class seat of the flight to Bangalore his eyes closed and sleep embraced him immediately.
It was Diwali, the festival of lights. During the day people exchanged gifts and greeted each other but the real excitement for him was in the evening. People belonging to one area assemble as a group at a street corner with home made rockets and other crackers and engage in war with another group at a close distance of 200 feet. They threw rockets incessantly at each other to show their superiority and try to defeat the opposite team. When once the rockets and other crackers were exhausted and the battle was lost, the loosing group resort to stone throwing in the end. On that eventful day he was on the loosing side and to take cover against the rockets from the opposite side, while fleeing backwards he ran into an electric pole and fainted. Friends have transported him home. He was scared stiff that his dad will scold and punish him for sneaking out of the house without his permission. Instead he saw that tears were rolling down his cheek and he was trying to contain and stop the blood from his head wound.
“Daddy”, he cried.
“Sir, what happened? Why did you cry like that? Are you alright?” enquired the fellow passenger who sat next to him with concern. Sekhar felt ashamed. He took out his kerchief to wipe his face and explained, “I had a bad dream. I am alright.”
Even though he is fully awake, his mind lingered on that past incident. The next day when dad came to enquire about his health, there was no anger but a kind of sadness engulfed his face. His dad never ordered him, ” do this”, ”you do that” during his young days but used to tell him ”be responsible”. As he grew he did not do that even. “ Those days are different,” Sekhar mused. He was late in getting up this morning and by the time he was ready there was not much of time to talk to daddy. He went into daddy’s room to say” hello”, but he was fast asleep. He lingered for a couple of minutes but as the time was ticking out he decided not to wake him up and came away.
It was a mistake. He should have woken him up .He would have felt very happy to see him. Dad used to be a big figure with broad shoulders but old age has melted him and he thinned. The cheeks have gone in, and the facial bones have appeared very significant. I should have woken him up, Sekhar murmured second time...”I will stop at Madras before I go back to Bombay”, he said to himself and that thought reduced the agitation in Sekhar’s mind.
The branch office meeting is in progress and Wadekar the local branch in-charge said, ”You are very moody, are you all right?” I have severe headache”, replied Sekhar. Wadekar brought the meeting to a close quickly and invited Sekhar to his house for lunch. ”Sorry! I will take a rain check on that. Please do not think otherwise. I want to visit the city once and I will be back for the afternoon session”, replied Sekhar apologically and got into the car. Even though he told Wadekar that he is visiting city he has no idea what to do! His mind wanted to be left alone! The roads wee jammed with people and all sorts of vehicles and the driver is wading through the multitude of people. When Sekhar saw a board “Kempa Gowda Circle”, he asked the driver to stop the car and got out and walked into the “Majestic” theatre compound.
The theatre is screening a Kannada movie. Sekhar remembered his first visit to Bangalore with his dad. They saw the movie, ”Roman Holiday” together. The age difference between him and his dad never mattered. His dad treated him like his younger brother and friend. The theatre has lost it’s luster .It had seen better days. The old remembrance brought again heaviness in Sekhar’s heart again. ”I must tell Wadekar to book my ticket and route me to Bombay via Madras”, he thought and rushed back to the branch office.
“Sir, there is a sudden lockout declared in the Thana factory and your presence there is needed immediately. We booked a seat for you by the 4 O ‘clock flight to Bombay, said Wadekar.
“Alas! I will not be able to see dad now!” sighed Sekhar.
The lockout in Thana, Bombay factory lasted 40 days before the management piped down to the labor demands. During those tense agonizing negotiating days, ”Dad, I got a very good GRE score .I will get a seat in MBA in US. I will know about scholarship in two to three weeks duration. Whatever may be the outcome of the scholarship, I plan to do my MBA from US if I get visa”, Rambabu announced. It was a rude shock to Sekhar. He took out his rimless glasses, polished them to buy time before replying.
“ You may work your tail off here but there won’t be any significant upward mobility in your job”, Rambabu continued.
“Why not? Your company is doing well. They paid you a hefty bonus recently. You are getting decent salary and I think your chances for promotion are pretty good. You are only 25, and be patient, you will get your chance”, replied Sekhar guardedly.
“I do not know about that. If I go to US and comeback with a degree my value will sky rocket up. You are also seeing this daddy, right?” Rambabu pursued the argument.
“You are attributing more weight to unnecessary things, you are doing well here”, said Sekhar. Before Rambabu responded, the telephone bell rang, Sekhar picked it up, listened for a minute and after hanging up the phone, ”The board meeting has already started, we will talk about it later”, and left the room.

* * * * * * * * * * *
Dear Sekhar,
I wanted to tell you something when you visited three months ago, and the time you were here was so short I could not bring up the topic. Your father is forgetting lot of things and it is deteriorating. Recently, one day he went out and he forgot our house address and his own name. Accidentally, a person who lives in this colony was there at that time and recognized your father and brought him home. These days, I am not allowing him to go outside without any escort. We consulted our family physician and he attributed that to old age. I am also growing old . If possible visit us with your family.
Best wishes to you,
Mummy
Sekhar read the letter and looked outside and closed his eyes.

* * * * * * *
Anasuya opened the door and Sekhar walked in.
“How is daddy?” asked Sekhar anxiously.
“What can I say? You yourself will be able to judge that. My letter must have disturbed you a lot. Can I bring coffee for you?", replied Anasuya.
“I will go and see daddy”, and Sekhar stepped into his father’s room. Parandham is in a chair with arms in a slumping position. The newspaper pages floating on his chest and arms indicated that Parandham fell asleep while reading the paper. Only the skin is covering the jaw, cheekbones, neck and the loss of teeth gave the mouth a blank, lifeless hollow look. During his sleep, from the corner of his lips a steady trickle of saliva flowed and wetted the shirt. He was snoring mildly. It reminded him of his young age steam engine hissing noise that pulled into the final train station after an arduous run. He recalled only his gigantic handsome daddy and there is not even an iota of resemblance of that person to the one in the chair. This person is almost disfigured and time has eaten away his inners. What is left is only a shell covering the bones. My god! He felt shock, disbelief and remorse seeing his dad in that state. Anasuya brought two cups of coffee and handed one to Sekhar.
“What happened? How come there is so much change in three months?" Sekhar asked with a husky voice choked with emotion.
“ Do you think humans stay for ever without change? It is inevitable to everybody. Your daddy retired 17 years ago.”, replied Anasuya. Those words were like horsewhip lashes on bare skin to Sekhar. Sekhar looked at his mother. Anasuya wiped her tears from her face and composed herself after one minute. She woke up Parandham and announced ”Sekhar has come”. Parandham opened his eyes and stared at Anasuya and Sekhar.
“Who?”
“Sekhar, our Sekhar has come”
“Sekhar? Who is he?”, muttered Parandham.
“Do you want coffee?”, Anasuya asked her husband.
“Did not I drink coffee? Okay give me” and received the coffee cup from Anasuya.
Sekhar was devastated and the confluence of pain, remorse, and guilty overwhelmed him, he could not contain himself anymore. He wept like a 5 -year old baby lost in wilderness. Tears came down like the water gushing out of an unplugged drain after rain. It appeared as though all functions of the body are channeled to drain his sorrow at the lamentable sight of his dad. An incessant downward flow of tears continued for some time and Parandham appeared to have been surprised at the outburst of Sekhar.
He looked at Sekhar in a soothing and benevolent way and said,” You seem to be in pain. Whatever it is do not worry .It will go away”, and he laid down the empty coffee cup
Sekhar looked at his dad. His dad did not even recognize him!. He raised him for 24 years and treated him like a friend. He rose to a vice president level in a company but what sort of jerk he turned out to be. He failed miserably to give any happiness to his father. He did not bother about them when needed and ran after his own rise in career. He promised that he will come back and provide them his and his son’s company .Now he can retire and comeback to spend the years with them but what good it is? The yester years will not come back. What happiness he can give to him who is not able to recognize his own son?
“Excuse me daddy” is all Escher could say and held the hand of his father that was like the hand of a small kid. Parandham slowly withdrew his hand, adjusted his position in his chair and drowned into sleep. Mild movement of the lungs, and a hissing snore are the only indications of life left in Parandham. The dilapidated and almost vegetative state of his father made Sekhar cringe and his mind filled with disgust and shock about the irreversible folly he committed.

* * * * * *
“Why don’t you go out and get some fresh air? You will become mad staying inside the four walls of the room”, cautioned Anasuya.
“It does not matter. Daddy used to like to go to beach. Tell him that we will go to beach today evening”, replied Sekhar.
Sekhar, Parandham and Anasuya got out of taxi on Marina beach around 7.00 p.m. The beach is glittering with lights and the waves of the ocean are visible clearly .The scenery reminded Sekhar about old days when they used to come to beach and play, and it made him sad once more. The three walked slowly in the sand towards the waves and when they found a less densely populated area sat down. The moon behind clouds is not able to shed much light and the sea appeared dark bluish in color. A cool breeze is flowing and the waves are reaching the shore relentlessly. They will be like that forever. If only life can be like that? Sekhar wondered. He resigned his job and came to Madras if he can bring about even a semblance of change in his father The family physician explained that it is almost impossible to regain the lost memory, and even if at all that happens It will take a long time. Contrary to his concrete beliefs Rambabu opted to go to US and his leaving for US was a rude shock to Sekhar. He is like me, looks for tomorrow’s prospects and advancement of career. His going away is like a chapter that suddenly ended. Now he understands how his father must have felt when he moved to Bombay. He did not grab the hand extended by his dad then and now when I extended my hand, he is not in a position to understand anything!
“Please excuse me daddy, won’t you once, just once recognize me for a second”, Sekhar wanted to cry. He swallowed the guilt and sadness and looked into the emptiness and almost lifeless dad.